The World Psychiatric Association (WPA) today issued its long-awaited, massive study on Intelligentsia Derangement Disorder (IDD). Known popularly as Lee Bollinger's Disease, IDD is characterized by profound disruption in cognition involving the most fundamental human attributes: language, thought, perception and desire for self preservation.
The disease has been found in epidemic proportions on university campuses. The WPA study, which included extensive case histories of every single academic in the United States and Western Europe, reports that 99.99999% of all, non-economist social science professors are affected as are almost all tenured members of the "Arts" faculties of universities throughout the developed world.[....]
According to the Report's main author, Dr. Edith Erwachsenenwelt, M.D., Ph.D., the cognitive development of most sufferers of IDD ends in early adolescence whereas non-sufferers experience continued development of their cognitive capacities throughout adulthood. "The cessation of the process of adult cognitive development," said Dr. Erwachsenenwelt, "produces the following symptoms, all of which are exhibited by each and every IDD sufferer":
- an inability to distinguish between real and false threats to personal, cultural and societal safety;
- irrational beliefs about the role of universities in a free society (the WPA Report cites as examples all volumes of The Journal of the American Indoctrination Association );
- an obsessive need to make self-congratulatory statements about the perceived brilliance and enlightenment of irrational personal beliefs and thoughts;
IDD has swept the West like the 1918 flu pandemic. If you're in recovery, or if you're looking for ways to avoid the contagion, join our support group this evening at the Vancouver Public Library from 7-9 p.m. for a group hug, a round of Kumbayah, and some granola and weeping.
Whoop. Wrong group. No, we're the ones who don't do that. Same bat place, same bat station. Different line of approach. Blenz in the Atrium. See talismen of blue scarves and Israeli flag patches on baseball caps.