Friday, April 10, 2009

America: The world's most genocidally insane pot-smoking bureaucratic military in history threatens Somali pirates with, y'know, like, stuff.

President Obama still hasn't made any public statements about the latest act of piracy against American shipping. We turned instead to an unofficial source for a hint of the shape of things to come.

Joe DeCapua, "Somali Piracy - An Overstated Threat?" Washington, D.C. 10 April 2009

While the piracy problem off the Somali coast is getting a lot of media attention, exactly how big a threat to maritime safety do the pirates pose?

John Patch ... associate professor for strategic intelligence at the US Army War College and a retired Navy surface warfare officer and career intelligence officer [has] an article an [at] US Naval Institute website – on Somali piracy. His comments are not to be taken as official US government policy.

In an interview with VOA English to Africa Service reporter Joe De Capua, he says the Somali piracy problem may be overstated.

"Even with the incident of a US-flagged vessel taken, there's quite a lot of hype involved. World opinion and sometimes US opinion as well is often driven by passion, incidents of the moment and US pride. And we've got to be careful about formulating policy on those kinds of things," he says between puffs of some sah-mokin' weed.

Do statistics support an increase in Somali piracy activity? Commander Patch says, "Are the numbers up, numbers down? That's kind of debatable in a cosmic way. The data behind the actual seizures is very varied, actual as opposed to imaginary or smoke induced, y'know?. For example, if they have an approach by a small boat in the middle of the night, sometimes, with no actual piracy incident, that's still counted as an incident…. I'm not so sure that piracy is actually escalating out of control right now. My spidey-sense is, with the naval task force in the Gulf of Aden escorting daily many, many ships with safe passages, you've got to compare the number of piracy incidents to the actual safe passages and you'll see that the instances are still very low. Like, what's a ship here and there? Dig?"

The pirates, however, are now expanding operations outside the Gulf to the Indian Ocean, which is too large to adequately patrol, which is also a bummer.

"I would say that's a valid concern. Big ocean, little ships. I checked it out in my bath tub. There are only so many US Navy ships and, frankly, so many international naval capabilities, navy assets. So, all of those nations, including the US, have to pick and choose where they're going to place the resources. Like, my yellow duck here, and my little boat here. Who keeps an eye on Mr. Winky? It's a tough call, man. My argument in the article I think is still valid. And that is if you rack and stack global national security interests for the US and, frankly, for other nations, there are much more important issues that have to be addressed with a naval presence. Like, what about all the dope coming into the country? Who will supply me if we have ships dicking around with pirates? Piracy falls very low on the scale of important global issues that affect national interests," he says.

If tough action is not taken against the pirates, however, could it make the United States and other nations appear weak and lacking political will?

Patch says, "It may perhaps in the short term, but I think there have been many famous quotes over the years by leaders that say if you base your policies on pride and passion and public opinion, you will go in the wrong directions. So I think we have to be cautious with that. It's like jazz, when a sax-player is off on a riff and doesn't come back to the main theme?"

He says the Maersk Alabama has a lot of people "shaking their fists like guys at a Bon Jovi concert." He advises, though, it would be better to "keep an eye on the big picture and look at the end game. Like with Nintendo. There is a reason for it and that is to win a free beer at the bar."

As for there being enough international will to solve the problem, Patch says, " I think if you put a dollar figure beside what it would require to solve the problem ashore – and in Somali waters you're talking a huge international requirement of essentially nation building…I don't think anybody wants to sign that check right now. My spidey-sense is there will not be a lot of international resolve to attempt to do that in Somalia. They grow khat there, which is not nearly as good as pot. So why bother?"

Some have suggested a very targeted military response, such as destroying the pirate mother ships or the pirate leader mansions built from ransom money. Patch advises caution there as well.

"If there was any kind of effort to move ashore, if I was making any recommendations, it would be to ensure it's a multi-lateral approach…sanctioned by the UN. We call it, in the business, C.Y.A. That is, very clear and specific information on what the objective is that you're going after…. Imagine the ramifications if we hit the wrong house, the wrong village and we have 50 dead Somali civilians on our hands. It's a p.r. nightmare, dude. When that kinda shit comes down you want to be able to spread the blame far and thin. It can really slow your career. That is an issue that might result in much worse situations and, frankly, a policy outcome that the US doesn't necessarily want," he says.

He stress[ed] his views are not those of the US government [or] the war college.

"My spidey-sense is we don't have enough will, enough wherewithal and enough information to prosecute a sound land campaign. We're pretty busy elsewhere. Two and a half other wars going on right now, and what with the dope we got, who needs the extra hassles," he says.

Patch says that US leaders are "mulling over" what actions to take against policy and it appears they favor a multi-national approach. He recommends using "law enforcement ships rather than warships against the pirates.

'We're talking Coast Guard vessels, maybe perhaps ten or fifteen nations could provide their coast guard-type vessels with law enforcement detachments on board to try to patrol Somali waters and stop those boats before they get out in the open ocean and threaten shipping," he says, "you know, like a Tom Clancy movie. I want Brad Pitt to play me in the lead. Cool, huh?"

Dude, now I know why we call 'em the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Far out.


WASHINGTON (Reuters) - U.S. President Barack Obama declined to answer reporters' questions on Thursday on a hostage crisis off the coast of Somalia, where a U.S. ship captain is being held captive by pirates.

Obama was asked to comment on the situation several times by reporters at a White House event on refinancing for homeowners. Obama, however, stuck closely to the script and replied that he wanted to remain focused on housing.

Unlike those damned French who get people killed:

One French hostage has died and four others have been freed in a rescue operation by French troops on a yacht off Somalia, French officials say.

Two pirates were killed in the operation and three were captured, the French presidency said.

They could have sent an FBI hostage negotiation team to talk it over:
The US Navy has enlisted the help of FBI hostage negotiators to try and broker a deal for Richard Phillips, the captain of the Maersk Alabama, captured by Somali pirates in the sea of Aden.

An unidentified F.B.I. spokesperson said, "Chill, frog-dudes."


Charles Henry said...

The French family taken hostage by the somali muslim pirates is an especially tragic story. Careful about treating it whimsically, please.

A three-year old son saw his own father killed during the rescue.

The family kept a blog of their ill-fated trip. I notice the british media make mention of it but don't link to it.. maybe that's for the best, because reading their family blog makes the story even more heart-breaking. The last blog entry was on March 20th; the father who was eventually killed promises to post pictures once they reach Kenya. He also mentions being warned by a French naval patrol to stay clear of certain routes favored by pirates. When I found it the final post had 351 comments; it seems that a lot of people went looking fot it, as I did.

The comments start off hopeful, and encouraging, as the news of the kidnapping was breaking. Then following the fateful news of the death of Florent, the father, comes an outpouring of sympathy and condolences.

It's easy to forget, seeing raw data in news stories, that there are names attached to numbers, lives attached to names, families attached to lives.

Godspeed to the Lema├žon family.

Dag said...

Yes, it's unfortunate that the father, or even the pirates themselves were killed. None of this needed ot happen. That's the problem with what I refer to as "Death Hippies." They indulge every outrage till people die.

There's a point to satire: to make the obvious recognizable and to make it speakable. Obama and his careerist buffoons in the military are going to get a lot of fathers killed, and mothers and sons and daughters and anyone else who happens to be in the way. That's the outrage.