Monday, December 31, 2007
Happy New Year, 2007
Yes, it's New Year's Eve again. I usually hate that. It takes me 365 days to remember what year it is, and then they go and change it to something else. I tella ya, it ain't easy being an old guy. Here I am, dressed up to the nines to go out to boo gee, and my spats are yellowed. Luckily, all my friends are half-blind and mostly deaf, so things should work out nicely anyway. I must remind myself not to tell any jokes this year. Last time poor old Edith peed herself. Well, OK, maybe it wasn't from laughing at my joke.
Now that Prohibition is over, and thank God for that, I can bring out the bottle of hard stuff I've been saving all this time. There's nothing I like better than a bottle of Hershey's 100% Hard Stuff to bring in a new year, and this is one vintage year I have. I'll need it, hearing that some Roosky shot the President.
To all you young whipper-snappers and kids who have new fangles, I look forward to staying in touch further this coming year and catching up on those who stopped long enough for me find you among all this rushing about. This business with Ford and his damned horseless carriage! It won't last, believe me. Take my word for it, invest in kerosene. It's the coming thing. And eat your vegetables. I hate 'em myself, so eat mine.
Where was I? Oh, damn, why are they bothering me? Is it time for my nap? Nurse, give me pudding. I want my damned pudding or I won't sleep.
Happy New Year to those of you still awake this time of night.