Saturday, April 12, 2008

Important facts and stuff about Islam and other things.

My friends here at Covenant Zone are smart and erudite, which makes me nervous and brings out my competitive side. So, to show I'm smart and know stuff too, here are some things I know and things I think about.

The author of Tristam Shandy, Lawrence Sterne, wrote a seemingly rambling and picaresque "novel" that so offended his editor, Alexander Foote, that the latter, a well-known eccentric, decided to annotate and organize the work in such a way that each and every of Sterne's references and asides would be easily accessible to the average educated 18th century English reader. Foote made myopic and obsessively detailed glosses to such an extent that, though he was initially mocked, in time his efforts became fashionable and eventually mimicked, as is seen in the common usage of footenotes in much professional writing to this day.

[For Muslims] visiting lavatory—cover head, cover feet, carry stones (odd number, minimum three), and say prayer (e9.1, p.76).

Entering toilet—left foot first; exiting toilet right foot first, offer prayer (e9.1, p.76).

After urinating men squeeze the penis with the left hand from base to head (of penis); women squeeze the front (vulva) between thumb and forefinger; in both cases three times (e9.1(11), p.76).

Do not defecate with front facing the sun, the moon or the sacred in Jerusalem , Kaba (e9.0(16), p.77).

When no water available do wudu, ghusl using dirt (e12.0, p.84).

After being trapped in the baggage compartment during a month-long train trip across America Beethoven wrote a best-selling book on interior design, becoming popularly known thereafter as the "Railroad Conductor."

"Can we speak with muslim girls who are non relatives?' Answer: In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful; Assalaamu `alaykum waRahmatullahi Wabarakatuh; "It is not permissible to speak to Ghair Mahram (with whom marriage is permissible) females even if they are relatives. It is compulsory to observe the laws of hijab with all ghair mahrams. And Allah knows best." Wassalam, Mufti Ebrahim Desai. Darul Iftaa, Madrassah In'aamiyyah

The obvious reason the banana never became a popular fruit is that it's so extremely difficult to spit out the seeds.

The Fuqahaa have mentioned that it is necessary to remove the pubic hair that appears above the private parts as well as that hair that appears immediately surrounding the private parts and the hair that is found on the private part itself. (Sharah al-Nawawi ala Muslim Vol. 3-4 Pg. 140 Darul Ma`rifah)

Therefore it will be necessary to remove the hair that is found on the scrotum, the penis and the area immediately surrounding them. It is permissible for a male to shave the hair of his chest.However, it is undesirable to do so. (Raddul muhtaar 6/407, Bahishti zewar 830, Fataawaa Mahmoodiyyah 19,444); If the hair around the anus can be removed without difficulty, then it is highly preferable to do so. (Sharah al-Nawawi ala Muslim Vol. 3-4 Pg. 140)

Nihilartikel: [fr. L. nihil, nothing + G. artikel] /NI hil AR ti kul/: a deliberately erroneous entry in a dictionary or other reference book (cf. esquivalience, for instance); also see fictitious entry.

I was forced to marry a cousin from my native land whom I find repulsive. Is it jaiz if we make a deal that he take another wife and not be allowed to come near me? I came back to Canada a week later after not allowing him near me as I was so disgusted and because I hate him so. I initially wanted a divorce after coming back and slipping into a suicidal depression, and my parents agreed. Now that its come time to ask for the divorce, my mother just had a nervous breakdown and there is physical and verbal abuse goin on in my house 24/7. I find that I cannot stay here any longer, since I dont get along with my parents but I cannot sacrifice my body to someone i hate and he knows that too.Is it jaiz if we make a deal that he take another wife and not be allowed to come near me - like we keep the nikah but he lets go of his rights upon me and Ilet go of my rights upon him to maintain the family honor?"

[W]hen any individual, be it an offspring or a parent go against the commands of Allah Ta'ala, then the results can be negative and unhealthy. It is sad that you and your mother have ended up with depression. This is not an acceptable situation and all of you in the family need to take stock of the situation. You cannot go on tearing each other apart. You all have to forgive each other and realise that although feelings have been hurt and unacceptable actions have been taken, you are still kith and kin. Allah Ta'ala tests us in different ways and dear sister, as you are younger than your parents, try not to judge them too harshly. I understand that you are unhappy the way events have turned out but you can resolve this situation in an acceptable way with the help of learned elders. Please turn to Allah Ta'ala for guidance. Perform your 5 daily salaah promptly, increase zikr, duas, istigfaar, darood shareef and recitation of the Holy Quran...." Sister Fadila Social department CHECKED AND APPROVED: Mufti Ebrahim Desai

Due to smooth surfaces everywhere and the legendary long legs of Persians, people do not walk in Iran.

"Imran b. Hussein reported that a woman from Juhaina came to Mohammed and said she had become pregnant because of adultery. She said: 'I am pregnant as a result of Zina.' Mohammed said: 'Go back, and come to me after the birth of the child.' After giving birth, the woman came back to Mohammed, saying: 'Please purify me now.' Next, Muhammad said, 'Go and suckle your child, and come after the period of suckling is over.' She came after the period of weaning and brought a piece of bread with her. She fed the child the piece of bread and said, 'O, Allah's Apostle, the child has been weaned.' At that Muhammad pronounced judgment about her and she was stoned to death." "The Book Pertaining to Punishments Prescribed by Islam (Kitab Al-Hudud)." Sahih Muslim, B. 17, N. 4207. USC-MSA, Compendium of Muslim Texts.

For religious reasons there are no bars in Poland.

"It is forbidden to look upon a woman other than ones wife, or an animal, or a statue, in a sensual or lubricious manner." Ruholla Khomeini.

Money doesn't grow on trees because only currently banned DDT can curb the voracity of the seed-eating Coyne worms. But why they use olive oil in Greece, why there is no starvation in Hungary, and why they don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Turkey, those are mysteries to me. If you must know, please: ASK THE IMAM.

And Allah knows best


(Also posted at No Dhimmitude.)


truepeers said...

If we only knew what e was. Those have got to be the wildest footenotes ever.

You're advocating for Islamic reform.

Islam is unchanging ritual

No one could read that and not go looking for the real seed of the banana that has somehow been hidden; by man?

Dag said...

I do amaze myself with my learning. If I get some time I think I might come up with a Revelation, a sort of distillation of all the things I know to be true in my heart. I might call it, "Wow, man, dig it." It'd surely beat the devil out of the Koran.